I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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