Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
