My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
