you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
