I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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