im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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