he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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