She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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