my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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