matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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