I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
