I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
even my farts smell like vagina
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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