My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
