you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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