I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
