i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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