And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
