You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
