So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
