I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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