so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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