i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
