I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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