My liver just broke up with me...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
