maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
