Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
