I want to have your abortion
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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