would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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