Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
