my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need water and some morals
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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