The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
