Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
