I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
