I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Too much gin, very little bucket
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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