Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
