Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
