no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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