would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
