mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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