I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
