dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
