omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
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