Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize