It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
