if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
