I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
