Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
