I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
