ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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