dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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