He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
