Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
