There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
