I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize