is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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