I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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