I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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