Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
