just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
