I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
