At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
not ubering you a puppy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
