So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize