No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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