I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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