have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
