Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
