Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
