So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
