yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
