yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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