Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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