Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
