Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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