I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
