I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
