Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
