doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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