And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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