just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
