Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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