He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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