is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
