Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
