Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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