I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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