This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize