Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
