He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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