do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
