hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
