I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
