Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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