i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize