Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
