I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and you said cock pushups were impossible
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
